Random

I guess I'm pretty good at hiding my feelings. I made it through a day of work- finally got back today. Just like everyone told me, it would be good- and it was. I didn't cry- except on my way back home for lunch to let Drake out. I half expected to see Jonathan at home even though I knew he wouldn't be there. I don't know why my mind does that to me. Sometimes I look out the front window and expect to see his truck. I just still can't believe any of it. I have moments where I do... I get it. I know what has happened, but it just does not sink in. I wear Jonathan's wedding ring on a chain around my neck along with a sapphire pendant Jonathan bought me and St. Andrew that Gavin got for me. My necklace is really heavy but it's what gets me through every day. I carry Jonathan's wallet and cell phone in my purse. I don't know why. It's comfort.

People tell me they are sorry and I think everyone knows that they cannot possibly understand what I am feeling. I would never argue with that. This is the most unbelievable, excruciating pain I think someone could ever feel in their entire life. Granted, I have been so blessed and I haven't had to go through a lot of heartache in my life. But this... this is beyond all comprehension.

I am able to get out with friends. I have spent a lot of nights and a lot of days with my amazing friends. I can't thank any of them enough for their compassion. I couldn't get through this without you- especially Kim and Toph- my rock and my comfort.