One year ago today

One year ago
today
You were taken off life support
A little bit after 7am
I'm not sure if I slept the night before
I'm not sure if I slept the whole time you were there
I hugged you- as best I could
I kissed you one last time on the lips
and the cheek
and the forehead
I felt your body
I leaned in to your breath
I touched your warm hand
I told you how much I love you
that I would love you forever
and ever
and ever
and ever
It's almost a blessing to not have been fully aware
of what was happening
to you or
to me
I could not have handled it
Looking back
I have no idea how I handled it
How I could have even turned around
and walked away from the hospital bed
as they wheeled you in to take your organs.
One year ago today
You passed from this life
I told you I would see you again
and you better be there to greet me when I go
I told you how sad I was
I told you I would take care of our animals
I told you how much I was going to miss you
How this was unfair
and I told you that you better watch over me
I told you over and over how much I love you
how I could not believe this was happening
how I would try to be as strong as I could be
and I told you again how much I love you.
Then, they took you away
and my life changed forever
and I miss you still
and I love you still
and I'm still not sure how to live without you.
But I'm trying...for you, because that's what you would want.
One year ago today
I left that hospital with half of a heart
and you left
One year ago today.