How is it that...

everything in the life of a grieving heart is still sad, no matter how wonderful life is around me?

the garage smells the same as it did last year? grass clippings stuck to the mower

I can buy a new car and still want my old one? Jonathan knows the old car, sat in the old car, drove the old       car and knows me in the old car. Will Jonathan be able to find me in the new car?

I can still put one foot in front of the other and get up every day for work. I am honestly baffled by this.

my sadness is now making me nauseous? My stomach turns inside out when the reality of what has happened becomes reality for me.

I feel intense anxiety when I'm on my way home? Home used to be my hideout, now it just makes me sad.

I had such motivation early on to do all the things I needed to do, and now I have none?

my dreams feel so real and when I wake up, Jonathan's not here?

I can fool myself into thinking that if I don't touch anything and I leave it all the way it is, then my life didn't really change?

I can do this on my own? I used to be so strong and now I am not. It scares me to do anything without Jonathan.

I can be afraid to answer the front door?

I have stayed in this house alone for the last 5 months?

it has been 5 months? I am still in la la land. If I pretend this isn't real, it doesn't have to be, right?

Drake knows to come to me when I'm crying? I love him and couldn't do this without him.

life takes on new meaning to those who have been through hell? Maybe this is hell for some of us?

I manage to still put food in my mouth?

this could happen? I will ask that question even after I die.