Hope is an amazing thing. I have a little bit of it back now. As much as I will love and miss Jonathan forever, the numbness has worn off. I'm feeling like I'm a part of life again. I realize I want to be happy. I want to be happy like I was with Jonathan. Someone told me a few months back, that wanting happiness and wanting to be married is a testament to my life with Jonathan...and what a life that was! Most people who have great marriages, want that again... want to love and be loved. Isn't love what it's all about anyway? I am realizing that I have so much love to give and so much more to accomplish in life. Anyhow, I am so grateful to be feeling a little bit better... with hope for a future that is unknown. Hope for a life I can't see. I have learned so many things over the last 6 months, but if there is one thing I have come to realize, it is that I want to be happy. This world is such a beautiful place. I am so thankful for so many things, but I am most thankful right now for my ability to push through this...to realize what is on the other side. To realize that what I am going through will only make me a better person. I am starting to realize that I am still here. I am still alive- like the rest of you. There's something I should be doing while I am alive. I can't wait to figure out what that something is. Hope.
www.outweststudio.com/jonathankeisling (Some professional photos taken for the company website).
7 comments:
Banana
I am so glad you are finding hope, the need for joy, and life again. I have been praying for this all along. I knew in my heart that it would come, but knew it would take time. It STILL will take time. I am SO blessed and grateful for your friendship. I will continue to pray that you find healing, hope, joy, and love. I know I want that for you, the Lord wants that for you, your friends and family want that for you, and Jonathan wants that for you.
I forgot to tell you....
Scott and I went out to lunch yesterday at a place near our house that is on the lake. I saw a rainbow trout and immediately thought of Jonathan. It made me smile.
Bree,
I am so happy to read this. Hope is a beautiful thing. You and Jonathan were so lucky to have each other. But our relationships here on earth are there to teach us what it means to be in communion with others so that we have a taste of what it is like to be in communion with God. Jonathan is there now and I know he wants nothing more than for you to be happy, for you to have peace. That is what we all want for you. We love you so much.
Mary
My comment posted twice so I deleted the second one. That link to Jonathan's pictures is awesome. He has more amazing pictures of him than anyone I know!
love this post... glad to hear a small ray of relief in your words... still here
Bree your Hope will not disappoint you-
Romans 5:3-5
"we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts."
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