BolderBoulder

Memorial Day is a day to remember those who lost their lives by serving this nation. It took on a whole new meaning for me this year. My heart truly understood what this day of remembrance means. Although it is a day for our fallen soldiers, I couldn't help but feel and think of Jonathan all day.
I ran the Bolder Boulder 10K today, just as I did last year. This year, there was no urgency to get home afterward. Last year, Jonathan waited for a guy to come out and give us an estimate on installing air conditioning. When I got home, the guy was still there. As we did when anyone was trying to sell us something, we stole looks  across the room as the guy blabbered on about this model or that filter. We could communicate how we were feeling and whether we trusted the guy, all without saying a word. I miss you.
My heart goes out to all the families and friends of fallen soldiers. I know how much this hurts.

Hope

Hope is an amazing thing. I have a little bit of it back now. As much as I will love and miss Jonathan forever, the numbness has worn off. I'm feeling like I'm a part of life again. I realize I want to be happy. I want to be happy like I was with Jonathan. Someone told me a few months back, that wanting happiness and wanting to be married is a testament to my life with Jonathan...and what a life that was! Most people who have great marriages, want that again... want to love and be loved. Isn't love what it's all about anyway? I am realizing that I have so much love to give and so much more to accomplish in life. Anyhow, I am so grateful to be feeling a little bit better... with hope for a future that is unknown. Hope for a life I can't see. I have learned so many things over the last 6 months, but if there is one thing I have come to realize, it is that I want to be happy. This world is such a beautiful place. I am so thankful for so many things, but I am most thankful right now for my ability to push through this...to realize what is on the other side. To realize that what I am going through will only make me a better person. I am starting to realize that I am still here. I am still alive- like the rest of you. There's something I should be doing while I am alive. I can't wait to figure out what that something is. Hope.
www.outweststudio.com/jonathankeisling (Some professional photos taken for the company website).