Fourth of July Then and Now

July 4, 2007, Jonathan and I had a housewarming party/4th of July BBQ. We worked really hard to get the yard in shape since the guy who lived here before us didn't do too much with it. We barbecued, we played Boccie ball and we just hung out. Some friends lit some crazy fireworks. Later in the evening, we lit the fire pit. Dakin spent the night. I remember waking up and cleaning up all the little fireworks that were all over the yard. Then, Dakin, Jonathan and I went to Le Peep for brunch. It was a fun party and our friends brought us a lot of nice housewarming gifts.

Now that 4th of July 2010 will be here in 2 days, I am remembering my 4th of July's with Jonathan. In 2008 and 2009, we simply watched the fireworks from our backyard. In 2009, Kim and Toph came over. Jonathan made some delicious sliders. I remember loving the blue cheese sliders. The photo is Jonathan making his delicious sliders and corn on the cob. Jonathan in his element. It has been a lot hotter this year so far. I remember it raining for the 4th in 2009, as you can tell from how green everything looks.

These days, looking at photos often feels like I am an outsider looking in. I remember this photo, I remember this time, I remember Jonathan cooking, but for some reason I feel removed, as if I wasn't there. I don't know why I have these feelings from time to time. I think because Jonathan is no longer alive, the photos cannot feel real? Maybe because there is pain when I look at them, my body pretends I'm looking at someone else's photo. Whatever it is, it's weird.

I'm heading to Lake Powell and Prescott for the 4th of July this year. Me and Drake. I will go see the Keislings over the 4th of July weekend and then head to Prescott to see my mom, dad, and grandma. It's amazing how little things like this make my whole month. Vacation! I am so excited. I got a lot of nice invites to do things for the 4th here in Denver. I wish I could have gone to everything!

Pokey hasn't come home, so Nora will watch Toby and she and my neighbors will look out for Pokey. I keep praying that Pokey will come home. I am not one to give up hope until I definitively feel there is no hope left. It has almost been two weeks, but that's not enough for me. Pokey was an independent, skillful, and curious guy. He may still be out there just cruisin' around. If he's not out there cruisin' around, at least I know he's with God and  Jonathan. In my mind, either way, he's fine.